


'cause I feel like I'm the worst....

by Wolfereign



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Communication, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugging, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, me? a kinnie? projecting bpd onto purple? more likely than you think!, please..... let the tallest be soft together, self-deprication, they have the depth. or at least i have a shovel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23441578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfereign/pseuds/Wolfereign
Summary: Purple breaks. Red is there to help pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Almighty Tallest Purple/Almighty Tallest Red
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	'cause I feel like I'm the worst....

**Author's Note:**

> ...so I always act like I'm the best.   
> [title from 'oh no' by marina and the diamonds]
> 
> yo what up I started this fic back in uhhhhhh fuckin' november and i literally just finished it now. WHOO. my writing has definitely improved over the past five months, so eh. don't be surprised if this ain't great.   
> (also it was mostly just major projection but shhhhhh)

Red had noticed that his Co-Tallest wasn’t his normal self the entire day. 

For starters, he didn’t bitch at the service drones for being late with their snacks, an offence normally punishable with a trip out the airlock. He was uncharacteristically quiet, and barely chuckled at Red’s jokes, which usually got a high-pitched screaming laugh out of Purple.

He would have left it alone, not pushed Purple on the issue, writing it off as a bad day and being sure to give him extra affection and attention when he was feeling better… If he hadn’t noticed the tears that Purple was trying to hold back.

Now, they stood together, alone on the bridge. The Massive’s pilots had been sent out so they could talk in privacy.

“Pur, there’s obviously something wrong. You need to tell me what’s on your mind.” Red said gently, holding his co-tallest’s trembling hand. His face was strained, and tears threatened to spill from violet eyes. 

“You don’t understand, Red.” Purple turned his head away. Red turned it back with his hand. 

“Purple, please, I wi-” 

“YOU-YOU… YOU THINK YOU UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING! EVERYONE THINKS THEY KNOW! THEY’RE ALL WRONG! YOU’RE WRONG!” Red took a step back when Purple slapped his hand away. He was almost screaming.

“EVERYONE… EVERYONE RELIES ON ME! EVERYONE DEPENDS ON OUR JUDGEMENT TO DO  _ ANYTHING  _ AROUND HERE! I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU’RE ABLE TO DO IT SO WELL, BUT… I’M NOT THE SAME AS YOU!” Fat tears rolled down his face. Red inched closer. 

“Pur-”

“WHY ARE YOU SO PERFECT!? WHY IS IT THAT YOU’RE SUCCEEDING, THAT YOU’RE ABLE TO COMMAND ALL OF OUR SUBJECTS, THAT YOU CAN JUST COME UP WITH PLANS THAT COULD  _ KILL  _ THEM WITHOUT HESITATION!? YOU SEEM FINE WHEN… WHEN ENTIRE FLEETS, ENTIRE  _ CREWS  _ OF IRKENS ARE KILLED, BUT I’M NOT!!

“I’M NOT PERFECT, I’M NOT STRONG! I’M… I’M EVERYTHING THAT YOU’RE NOT!” Purple collapsed, holding his arms tightly as he sobbed. Red sat down with him. 

“I… I’m not strong. I’m not a leader like you. I act, I put up a shield, I… I  _ pretend  _ to be confident in everything I do, like I can’t do anything wrong, like I’m better than everyone and that’s how it’s always been, but… I do everything wrong, Red. I don’t understand why I can’t be like you.” 

“Purple, you don’t-”

“I shouldn’t be Tallest.” 

“Don’t say that!” It was Red’s turn to shout. It snapped Purple out of his own self-deprecating spiral, at least for a moment. 

“Purple, don’t say that. You’re too hard on yourself. Always have been. 

“You _are_ a leader, and you _are_ fit to be the Tallest, without any doubt in my mind.”

“But-”

Red gently took Purple’s hands in his own. “Y’know, I act too. I pretend like it doesn’t bother me when… when my decisions have caused the death of others. It does, Pur. It’s painful. It’s something that I have to deal with for the rest of my life. It hurts and there’s nothing I can do to change that. But… I also know that everyone else needs me to be strong. I need to be brave, put on a mask and pretend I’m not affected. But I am.

“It’s hard, really hard, knowing that everyone is always counting on you to make the best decision, and holding you to these expectations. We’re… We’re always held up to these expectations, all the time, every damn day without a break… We’re expected to always know what's best and always make the right choice, to keep everyone safe and everything running smoothly at all times… And that’s something that would break most irkens. But not you.

“I’ve seen how you act. How you make decisions. How you… How you do everything. Yeah, I’ve seen you break. I’ve seen the pressure get to you and watched you fail, and I’ve taken over for you. But it doesn’t make you any less strong, and it doesn’t erase all of the things you do well. We all… We all have our faults. Some of us just mask them better than others. Being Tallest isn’t any exception to that, Pur.”

Purple was still crying, though slowly but surely calming down. 

“I… Red, I…” 

Red pulled Purple into his arms, rubbing circles into his back. Purple responded by clinging tightly to Red, burying his face in Red’s clothes. His antennae quivered behind him. Red pet the base of them, getting a small purr from Purple.

“You’re alright, Pur… You don’t have to say anything.”   
  
Purple nodded as Red pet his antennae gently, nuzzling his face against Purple’s.   
  
“I love you…” Purple mumbled, shaking in Red’s arms.   
  
“I love you too. You’ll get through this. Always do.”   
  
Purple sighed, leaning against Red. 

They both had a long way to go. But at least they were in it together.

**Author's Note:**

> WOHOOOO glad you read to the end! let me know what you thought of it!  
> follow me on tumblr @fagtallest


End file.
